Relationships – Yet another attempt to understand them

There is this saying:
“In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.”

I have just been wondering about the second and third category. There are times wherein we just tend to drift away from friends, who meant and mean a lot to us. When I say drift, it has nothing to do with misunderstandings or squabbles. It plainly refers to not staying in touch. The reasons could be varied. Sometimes you tend to take them for granted, sometimes you just aren’t able to do justice to keeping in touch, sometimes you just think they are still going to be around, sometimes you are too busy nurturing relationships with your newly found friends/ acquaintances that you are not able to strike a balance. The above are things that invariably happen to each one of us to some point of time in life. More than often, we don’t even realize the process and don’t even realize the effort another person has been making.

The most difficult is when you are forced to choose between people, only to realize that your choices were not quite right, and you have made a mistake! This many a times could be irreparable, and more than often, if you are at a loss on how to handle it would certainly end up in the loss of atleast one person from your life. One not so right choice (which you obviously don’t realize) could mess up so many more .Here let me clarify – by choice, I do not imply having a checklist and choosing your friends – that would be similar to vegetable shopping. It is more about striking a rapport with people who bring out the best in you, grow with you and help you become a better person in your own way. The hardest would obviously be when you realize that you weren’t so right in what you did and more so, when you get hit and misinterpreted. But here one thing that I have learnt is, if you still think the person is worth knowing/being with, go for it and make an effort, if it is reciprocated great, if not, you have still done your bit. I wouldn’t always say the outcomes are always positive, because more than often the making up phases have an element of ‘you never had time for me’ in it, which again becomes an Ego/ you never understood me issue.

Further, there are instances, when you realize later that you have taken someone for granted. You may have a million genuine reasons, which may not seem genuine to the other person. You still enjoy the same comfort level with the person, and want to catch up more often , but the same feeling may or may not be reciprocated, simply because they have moved on. Here is when you tend to think, what the other person has in mind. You probably were such thick friends, that you know for sure that the other person would always wish well for you, but yet you are unsure about the status of the relationship. You have the same person feeling free to discuss their deepest fears and darkest secrets, yet something may not seem too ok staying in touch. You tend to think even more, when you realize that you don’t get the reaction you expected, or the reaction you would have got in the past, to a particular situation/incident. Here after a lot of thought, I have managed to accept the fact that everyone moves on and just as there are times when you realize you cannot connect/relate to someone, it could be the same on the other side as well. So I believe the best way to deal with it is to keep making and effort, till you have figured out where it is going or are convinced that it is a futile exercise.

But I must say that making an effort does have its goodies too. Like for instance, very recently I re-found my friend in one of my old friends, who wasn’t in touch because of the complicated triangle of relationships, and today, there hardly is a day that goes by without us talking. This was simply because I made an effort to talk and she made an effort to respond. But stuck in the same situation, it never worked with another very close pal, simply because the intent, attitude and the frequency did not align. So here it amuses me to see how easy it is to make a perfectly aligned frequency to something that seemed totally unheard of. However, on the flip side, there have been times where we constantly make an effort and ping old friends, but realize that the eagerness on the other side has died out, and the reason for the same we know is ‘we’ ourself. We then try to mask the disappointment and try fooling ourselves each time, saying things are going to be fine. I still have not found a solution to this one, and dont believe I can either for, many a times, I find myself talking to someone I considered a good friend just because I have to and am obliged to, and not because I genuinely want to. Certain incidents make us sure that we would not want to make an effort by ourselves, or atleast not anymore!

An amazing incident that happened about two weeks back – I was in Chennai traveling towards Spenzor Plaza in an Auto with a friend. The Auto stopped at a signal, or rather was moving at a slow pace. I happened to see a very familiar face and that familiar face also looked back at me in the same fashion.. I turned and saw through the rear view of the Auto, and saw the face turn back, and I knew who it was. But I still wanted to confirm, so I got off the auto immediately and starting looking through my cell, found the number and called. I was right; It was a childhood friend from my native place – Srirangam. A friend with whom I spent one month every year until my eighth grade playing games and yapping all noon. The irony being I met him after almost 12 / 13 years, and he still recognized me!! I was zapped for a second. We weren’t in touch, nor had we particularly made an effort to stay connected through facebook or any other social networking site. But the moment did catch me off guard. We spoke for a brief 5 minutes and I took his leave. I kept thinking, how things had changed but yet something seemed familiar, although there was no trace of familiarity in my friend of once upon a time. But the doubts did not last long. Within half an hour, there was one long message on my cell, him screaming at me for not keeping him updated of the developments in my life. For once I felt good being yelled at! 😛

Just reaffirms the fact that that there are a few people, with whom you can have a conversation, and then not stay in touch and after six months, continue the same conversation, and it all seems the same, despite the distance/time and all other attributes. And this is something that solely is a function of trust, good faith and respect for the relationship and is something which would exist only if the relationship was a truthful one and had the purity of a new born child from the perspective of intentions. We all would have such friends, where you can just speak your mind and you have absolutely no fear of being judged, misunderstood and so on – the few friends who fall in this category most definitely feature as one among the priced possessions in our life. These are without doubt the ones who respect you for the person you are and are able to accept you the way you are.

But having said all of the above, one thing that never ceases to surprise me is how we human beings could be so fickle minded at times and how a person who seemed perfect at one point in time seems alien all of a sudden. Many a times I do wish I had a time machine to quickly take a peek at the future to figure out whether I am not doing something the right way at present. At the same time also feel that I am better off without the time machine it is the experiences that has taught me to value relationships a lot more today. Like they say – “Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.” – Have often noticed that the above line is construed in a very depressing manner, but I beg to disagree. More often and ever, we change for the better, or should I say, we evolve and the evolution is for good.

I sign off with what I started – “In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.”…..Just like the way I am!! 🙂


About lifeasiwalkalong

I am more than what I know myself to be....Maybe a simple person in pursuit of the better things in life....
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8 Responses to Relationships – Yet another attempt to understand them

  1. Shreyes says:

    Well writ Gaya, as usual!!! As they say, Life’s riches are measured more by the relationships that stand the test of time!! Liked this one loads!!

    Cheers!!! Keep writing!!!

  2. Karthik Nj says:

    Good one… 🙂 Really liked it a lot…

  3. I have a feeling you wrote all of this in one sitting, and hardly went through any distractions. Intense post.
    Nice to see you blogging again. What happened to My Life is like a Rainbow?

  4. Radhika says:

    Firstly, very glad to see you find the time to write and that too write so well.

    What a profound piece you have written and it touched chords at many levels for me. I like the fact that there is absolutely no indiscretion in your comments and your thoughts are very articulately put across to your readers. I often reminisce about the strands of relationships that have criss-crossed my life and every one of those have been valuable at some level- mostly to teach me the difference between a bad (or toxic) and what makes a good relationship. It shouldn’t be rocket science one would say but it isn’t common sense either!

    I have come to accept that many of the relationships in my life that I feel are important, for those make me the person that I am today, remain passively hidden in the background for a long time only to emerge and surprise me when I least expect it. Such surprises come in all formats such as a photo buried in yellowing photoalbums, an email, a show of love, a flash of memory or simply even an act of kindness. The active relationships may provide instant gratification but never the same depth. Hope you get the drift.

    Looking forward to many more of our airplane chats, if that helps trigger your writing juices 🙂 Keep writing and keep discovering relationships.

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