Musical Musings #1 My conversation with a 4 year old…

Alittle one (4 years of age) who comes to learn music was struggling with the notes Ri and Da.

I remembered that I had the same issue 20 years back when my brilliant Guru (Smt. Lalitha Ramachandran) decided to start with Gambheeranaatai ( a raga without the notes Ri and Da)  to get me into the comfort zone of singing notes.

Me (to myself): Ha! an opportunity to help a child the same way

Me :  A, let us sing Sa  Ga  Ma  Pa  Ni  Sa

A :  But Gayathri aunty that is wrong. How can you sing sa re ga ma without  Ri and Dha?

Me :  A, let us try it once this way, I am sure it will be fun.                                                               (thinking to myself – I am sure I did not say that to my teacher :!!)

A :  No Gayathri aunty. It is not fun. It is wrong.

Me : ( Racking my brains) A, you know what,  Ri and Da have fallen sick today and  so we should not disturb them. So let us sing without them

A: (Slightly convinced) ok then, we can sing sa ga ma pa ni sa.

After half an hour of singing, A was more comfortable in the notes. I decided to bring back ri and da into the scene.

Me:  Well done A!! you are singing really well.  Now lets sing Sa Ri Ga Ma Pa Da Ni Sa

A: No. I wont sing Ri and Dha

Me: (Puzzled) why not?  Only if you try, you will get it. Making a mistake is not the end of the world.

A That is not the point.  Has your teacher not taught you manners? How can you disturb someone when they are sick?

Me : Stumped! :! :O :O

I tried a couple of time more but ended up singing  Saa Paa Saa and remembered to learn my revise my manners for the next weekend.

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Mind games/ Mind battles …Devils Advocate/ Mindless Musings – Call it what you want – Suit yourself! :)

You were not even a good friend –
hmmm……possibilities : –
Is it so? You think you were? If yes, for the sake of friendship or something more?
Is it so? You think you were? You need a reality check!
Is it so? you think you were? Maybe so, but i dont agree!
Is it so? Is there something I dont know? enlighten me!

Or

I am sorry, I wasnt aware – let’s start all over again!
I am sorry that you feel so, but its best we agree to disagree.

I don’t care – Ah! News to me! Then why are we having this conversation

I deserve another chance – Do I? Maybe not? Maybe she doesnt think so, nor does he! Anyway, who am I to decide.
.
It was not my/ your fault – It never is ( in my/your opinion) – funny how I/you react to situations

I could have been better – Hmm Happy Realization!! but glad the realization has dawned and hopefully change for the better would be visible

I want more money – Poof! it isnt it all…get a life, the end of which – money is hardly going to matter!
( I wouldnt mind more 😛 – enough to travel the globe, donate to charity and build my own disneyland)

Good health is important, I wish I could be as fit as XYZ – Is it so? then stop being a couch potato!

How could he/she do this ? – hmm…Don’t waste your time – before you know it you will realize it is too late

My wife/husband doesn’t like you!! – That has nothing to do with us!

You need to be firm! – Ofcourse – firm in what I believe and not what you think I should believe!

How could she/he? I thought we were friends! – You think too much! Friendship/ expectation need not go hand in hand

I was good – Good to see the confidence, though not all need to feel the same way

I should have made that point in the arguement/clarification – you clearly dont have it in you to confront. So stay away, keep your trap shut and keep moving.

I did not expect it – Well you may now, going forward!

She/ he thinks she/he is always right – Maybe/ Maybe not, why does it bother you!

On a lighter note ( Obviously I cannot be serious about this one)
This post is Bullshit – you chose to invite yourself over! 🙂

The above can be construed in many ways subtituting the ‘you’/we’s for ‘I’s’ and vice versa…..The beauty being the instances could be so many –
Does it matter? – help me answer that one!

but the outcomes – Just One -.LEARNING and MORE LEARNING
Does it matter? – Maybe, although at times you do feel you are better off without having to get to the learning stage!

What matters –
Living life for what it is – Am I/u?
Nourishing and cherishing relationships for what they are – Are We? it probably is not that easy
Forgiveness – Tough one eh? but are you willing to forgive ( yourself and others) ?
Detachment from materialistic world – Sorry, Can’t be that much of a hermit! I still have the whole world to see! 😛
Faith – It so does make a difference! 🙂

Make a difference – we have but one life to live!!
PS/ DISCLAIMER: This post does not intend preaching of any sort, intends no personal digs and is certainly by no means the victim to any form of my venting. So if any of you feel otherwise, I am afraid you really haven’t got the essence and  need another dose of it, so go back to the start and read it all over again 😛

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Relationships – Yet another attempt to understand them

There is this saying:
“In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.”

I have just been wondering about the second and third category. There are times wherein we just tend to drift away from friends, who meant and mean a lot to us. When I say drift, it has nothing to do with misunderstandings or squabbles. It plainly refers to not staying in touch. The reasons could be varied. Sometimes you tend to take them for granted, sometimes you just aren’t able to do justice to keeping in touch, sometimes you just think they are still going to be around, sometimes you are too busy nurturing relationships with your newly found friends/ acquaintances that you are not able to strike a balance. The above are things that invariably happen to each one of us to some point of time in life. More than often, we don’t even realize the process and don’t even realize the effort another person has been making.

The most difficult is when you are forced to choose between people, only to realize that your choices were not quite right, and you have made a mistake! This many a times could be irreparable, and more than often, if you are at a loss on how to handle it would certainly end up in the loss of atleast one person from your life. One not so right choice (which you obviously don’t realize) could mess up so many more .Here let me clarify – by choice, I do not imply having a checklist and choosing your friends – that would be similar to vegetable shopping. It is more about striking a rapport with people who bring out the best in you, grow with you and help you become a better person in your own way. The hardest would obviously be when you realize that you weren’t so right in what you did and more so, when you get hit and misinterpreted. But here one thing that I have learnt is, if you still think the person is worth knowing/being with, go for it and make an effort, if it is reciprocated great, if not, you have still done your bit. I wouldn’t always say the outcomes are always positive, because more than often the making up phases have an element of ‘you never had time for me’ in it, which again becomes an Ego/ you never understood me issue.

Further, there are instances, when you realize later that you have taken someone for granted. You may have a million genuine reasons, which may not seem genuine to the other person. You still enjoy the same comfort level with the person, and want to catch up more often , but the same feeling may or may not be reciprocated, simply because they have moved on. Here is when you tend to think, what the other person has in mind. You probably were such thick friends, that you know for sure that the other person would always wish well for you, but yet you are unsure about the status of the relationship. You have the same person feeling free to discuss their deepest fears and darkest secrets, yet something may not seem too ok staying in touch. You tend to think even more, when you realize that you don’t get the reaction you expected, or the reaction you would have got in the past, to a particular situation/incident. Here after a lot of thought, I have managed to accept the fact that everyone moves on and just as there are times when you realize you cannot connect/relate to someone, it could be the same on the other side as well. So I believe the best way to deal with it is to keep making and effort, till you have figured out where it is going or are convinced that it is a futile exercise.

But I must say that making an effort does have its goodies too. Like for instance, very recently I re-found my friend in one of my old friends, who wasn’t in touch because of the complicated triangle of relationships, and today, there hardly is a day that goes by without us talking. This was simply because I made an effort to talk and she made an effort to respond. But stuck in the same situation, it never worked with another very close pal, simply because the intent, attitude and the frequency did not align. So here it amuses me to see how easy it is to make a perfectly aligned frequency to something that seemed totally unheard of. However, on the flip side, there have been times where we constantly make an effort and ping old friends, but realize that the eagerness on the other side has died out, and the reason for the same we know is ‘we’ ourself. We then try to mask the disappointment and try fooling ourselves each time, saying things are going to be fine. I still have not found a solution to this one, and dont believe I can either for, many a times, I find myself talking to someone I considered a good friend just because I have to and am obliged to, and not because I genuinely want to. Certain incidents make us sure that we would not want to make an effort by ourselves, or atleast not anymore!

An amazing incident that happened about two weeks back – I was in Chennai traveling towards Spenzor Plaza in an Auto with a friend. The Auto stopped at a signal, or rather was moving at a slow pace. I happened to see a very familiar face and that familiar face also looked back at me in the same fashion.. I turned and saw through the rear view of the Auto, and saw the face turn back, and I knew who it was. But I still wanted to confirm, so I got off the auto immediately and starting looking through my cell, found the number and called. I was right; It was a childhood friend from my native place – Srirangam. A friend with whom I spent one month every year until my eighth grade playing games and yapping all noon. The irony being I met him after almost 12 / 13 years, and he still recognized me!! I was zapped for a second. We weren’t in touch, nor had we particularly made an effort to stay connected through facebook or any other social networking site. But the moment did catch me off guard. We spoke for a brief 5 minutes and I took his leave. I kept thinking, how things had changed but yet something seemed familiar, although there was no trace of familiarity in my friend of once upon a time. But the doubts did not last long. Within half an hour, there was one long message on my cell, him screaming at me for not keeping him updated of the developments in my life. For once I felt good being yelled at! 😛

Just reaffirms the fact that that there are a few people, with whom you can have a conversation, and then not stay in touch and after six months, continue the same conversation, and it all seems the same, despite the distance/time and all other attributes. And this is something that solely is a function of trust, good faith and respect for the relationship and is something which would exist only if the relationship was a truthful one and had the purity of a new born child from the perspective of intentions. We all would have such friends, where you can just speak your mind and you have absolutely no fear of being judged, misunderstood and so on – the few friends who fall in this category most definitely feature as one among the priced possessions in our life. These are without doubt the ones who respect you for the person you are and are able to accept you the way you are.

But having said all of the above, one thing that never ceases to surprise me is how we human beings could be so fickle minded at times and how a person who seemed perfect at one point in time seems alien all of a sudden. Many a times I do wish I had a time machine to quickly take a peek at the future to figure out whether I am not doing something the right way at present. At the same time also feel that I am better off without the time machine it is the experiences that has taught me to value relationships a lot more today. Like they say – “Some people come into our lives and quickly go. Some stay for awhile and leave footprints on our hearts. And we are never, ever the same.” – Have often noticed that the above line is construed in a very depressing manner, but I beg to disagree. More often and ever, we change for the better, or should I say, we evolve and the evolution is for good.

I sign off with what I started – “In your life, you meet people. Some you never think about again. Some, you wonder what happened to them. There are some that you wonder if they ever think about you. And then there are some you wish you never had to think about again. But you do.”…..Just like the way I am!! 🙂

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A quiet evening along the beach,

Staring at the waters deep

Wishing to the stars, as they peeped

Listening to a voice speak…

 

The mind filled with emotions

Yet  so blank….with no motion

A smile tender, yet so strong

Firmly disposing all fear and wrong

 

See life as it slowly opens and unwinds

Dynamic yet simple, changing with time 

Revealing Certainly – the story written by the Great Mind

Promising trust and joy – amidst the grind

 

A weird feeling of triumph prevails,

With the firm grip and a warm hug 

Strangely that’s all it takes to know

that you’re blessed in your own way.

 

The waters as they gently flow

The winds as they fiercely blow

Everything in life seems to radiantly glow

Blissfully hear the whispers – gentle and low

 

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An interesting observation/ realization yet again….. You often feel bad about a particular situation, not because of the fact that you have been affected, but more about the reactions it has evoked and a feeling of insecurity that has been created in the mind. It could lead to a state of Limbo!! A state where we tend to get cynical about all the good happening to us – more so because we want to sympathize with ourself . In all probability – a phase that everyone goes through at some point in time, although the timing of its happening being an aspect that impacts the emotional quotient of the person.
It could be crazy if it starts coming in the way of everything that you usually do, and starts evoking a sense of apathy in you.

Sympathizing to a certain extent is alright, but blaming someone else is hypocritical. We all do it no doubt – either intentionally or unintentionally, but then blaming someone else is something which should be avoided. This is an extremely difficult task, but then at the end of the day it is all about being convinced about what you have done. You may say that a certain decision was a call taken to appease someone else, but the veracity is more to do with a candid attempt to appease yourself and your line of thinking about a particular issue.

This may be the consequence of psychological weakness towards a particular person/subject, behavioural traits, existing insecurity, and perceived or prevalent differences. On the contrary, it may also be due to a certain degree of conviction, intellectual reasoning about the expediency of the situation, emotional implications and the relative importance one may affix to people and emotions around them. It more than often is a mix of both.

I had a conversation with a friend recently out of a great relationship that turned bitter – we concluded with one sentence – If you regret that it ever happened, be happy that it did not work out, because it probably was never meant to be. If you regret what happened, you have two options; either undo it if you feel confident enough despite the odds or move on with an open mind to face whatever comes your way! Difficult as it may seem, uncertain as it may look, it probably is the best way. But its essential to ensure that the bitterness does not get to you. If you could be neutral about it, nothing could be better! In the end, as rightly put – you are the architect of your own happiness and on the judgment day ( I despise using the word, because I believe that God is anything but judgemental) , it is not between you and your friends/ family/ acquaintances/colleagues. It is between you and God.

They say – relationships must be nurtured. But it probably would be better to say that relationships must be nurtured but with no expectations and also by ensuring that there is no element of vulnerability involved.
I quote my mentor (dad) here on expectations – It is perfectly fine to have expectations but then we have a tendency or a knack of becoming unhappy through expectations, which is something that needs to be avoided. As a sequel to my previous post, vulnerability is probably on aspect that could have extreme effects on the EQ levels of a person.
Though easy to say, we human beings have the tendency to want the pie and eat it too! A winner if mastered but quite a screw up if messed up: D.

PS:
Preaching not and never intended, but then a dinner with a good friend last evening provided some food for thought! Not that it is a realization of sorts; it is more about conquering the state of denial. Sudden spurts of common sense sure do inspire me to write! :- )

Gaya

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One very difficult thing to do is to appreciate what you have with you. This I realize, more in context of people. Often our association with people is conditional – conditional to various factors and when these factors seem unfavorable, everything seems to go for a toss.

Be it business, social life or personal life, it amuses or should I say appalls me to see how attitudes change overnight. I may be emotionally detached or may seem to be on two extremes when weighed on an emotional scale, but at times I am also very amused that we people get so upset at times that we tend to develop grudges. I remember I had this horrid tiff with a couple childhood friends and we stopped talking ever since. Today it has been probably seven years!! And we still do not talk!!  What amuses me is that I do not exactly remember why it happened at all and how it all started!! 😀

But I surely do realize that it was silly on both our parts!!! I don’t know whether they even think about it or me…but I sure do have only fond memories of them!!!  But then having said that I cannot negate the fact that sometimes situations get so weird, or our perception about is so weird that we are totally not at ease, if we stumble upon the same person. I would disagree if you call is discomfort, as you probably were the most comfortable with an individual…….so then what??? Maybe it is just the awkwardness that makes you comfortably uncomfortable?

Now one may attribute this to time – and say time was the healer!  May be so!! But on second thoughts, I think more than time, it is the angle from which one chooses to look at a situation. Today I think it is virtually impossible for me to hold a grudge against anyone for any reason!! More so because I feel that it is something which induces so much of negative energy that it is better to avoid!!

Could be perceived as indifference? BINGO….the point here being – indifference is towards a situation and not an individual!!.Now those who interpret it literally would want to argue…the basic premise being – indifference may be a slack attitude, or would depend upon the degree of importance which one assigns to a particular issue. More over – No situation is actually hopeless, it is we who tend to become hopeless about them – due to reasons which may differ! Argument is fair enough when looked at from one dimension.

My personal opinion – Situations/extent of knowledge miscommunication to a great extent make a person behave in a manner which may seem inappropriate (which again is subjective). So why hold them up for something they may not entirely be responsible for! However, one cannot negate the fact that the indifference if not attended to, may extend to the individuals too, which then acts as the spoil sport and the catalyst towards straining ties!

Probably I am growing to accept the fact that everyone is different and every individual thinks differently and reacts differently. A hard truth which I try to accept and instill in me, though the process more than often drives me CRAZY!!
There is this common perception test – A bottle half filled with water.
You have the choice to look at it the way you want. You may look at it and say “It is partly empty!  Or ‘It is partly filled ‘ …again the way you look at it!! Perception is instrumental in shaping ones attitude/perspective in life!

I read a very nice saying ( It sounded good to hear..not sure about the implementation)  in the book – the second helping of chicken soup for a teenage soul – where a mom tells her daughter –

There are two kinds of people in in this world

those that play hopskotch and sing in the shower

and those that lie alone at night with tears in their eyes

I re-read it a couple of days back and outright statement beats me till date!! I am very much a bit of both!!! The saying though good to hear, wonder whether anyone could fall solely into either of the categories!!!

Gaya


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:)

Often I have noticed……..certain coincidences in life (not just mine )……at times feel whether there is a destiny or you make your own destiny…….Off late I seem to have a tiny bias towards the latter…….but then lately, more than often the former seems true……and I have noticed that the act of the former for some reason makes me more certain about certainty!
But here again leaving things to destiny – could be cowardice…..or simply be an open invitation to uncertainty……here again life is a bundle of contradictions, as this initial uncertainty is something that confidently leads to the certainty…….whether the certainty is good or bad….is again destiny – which you can make sometimes and sometimes not!!…… it is a vicious circle…..or rather should I say Virtuous cycle ……as Life in my opinion is certainly not vicious!!!

Gaya

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